It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
