He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
