Your mouth is God's brothel.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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