I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize