Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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