I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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