I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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