Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he puts the penis in happiness.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
