Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
smell my finger.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
