she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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