How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
