thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
