Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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