Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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