didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
