There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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