Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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