wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize