she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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