You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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