So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
