he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
