it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
