Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
