You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
