i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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