Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
