I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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