Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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