Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
