You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
