drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
