I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
