she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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