I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
