This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
