I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
