If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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