im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My bed smells like the plague
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
