He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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