the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
