Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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