Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize