Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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