Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
