So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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