Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
