shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
