I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
