Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
