I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
