Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it hurts more in the daytime
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
