saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
