so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
