i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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