I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
