butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize