cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
