I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
