i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
