you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
