Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
