I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
