Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
