So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
