idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
