I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
