but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
