Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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