apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
