Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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