ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you would pick up someone in the library
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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