hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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