i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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