Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
