are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
