No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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