Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize